If you say “Thai women aren’t picky,” I think most people think of the ones who date very old white men as being the main example of this. Sure that’s one example, but it’s not the main one. It’s just the one that is most often discussed outside of Thailand and it’s the one that feminists use to try and make foreigners feel guilty about being with a Thai woman. But there are many more Thai women who stay with an abusive or compulsively cheating Thai man than who wind up with an older white guy. We hear about the few dozen incidents of women cutting their husband’s penis off when they’re tired of the cheating. But we don’t hear about the millions of Thai women who pretty much accept the fact that their husband regularly cheats and/or has a mia noi (mistress) or two on the side. Why are so many good Thai ladies willing to be in a relationship like this? The answer might just take a little steam out of the “Thai women are only interested in money” argument. Because the truth is, it’s pretty darn hard for a typical Thai lady to find a good man.
Let’s discuss some of the things that happen to Thai men around the ages where they might otherwise be getting married:
- 1) Some become gay or transgender. Tracking down good stats in Thailand is almost impossible, but we know from the eye test that there are a decent amount of Thai men who just aren’t playing for team “I like women.” There are some full blown lesbians in Thailand, but not even a tenth as many as gay or transgender men (or former men). This takes a big # of eligible bachelors’ right out of the pot.
- 2) 80% of the people in Thailand who have HIV or Aids are men. And this has a lot to do with #1.
- 3) Most addicts in Thailand are men. There are some functional alcoholics, but there are also plenty of drunks and yaba (meth) junkies who have no chance to enter into a real marriage.
- 4) Motorbike Accidents- IT’s not a huge #, but there are far more men (mostly young men) who die or experience a life changing injury from a motorbike or motorcycle accident than women.
- 5) Insolvency- This is just a fact of life: If a man is dirt poor and can’t possibly afford to take care of a family, he is not going to be considered marriage material. And if a woman has no money she is just considered a woman who really needs to get married.
- 6) Prison- Like in just about every country, there are far more men serving long sentences in prison than women.
So any way you slice it, it’s clear that there are many more available Thai women than there are men. If you remove abusive or compulsively unfaithful men from the list, the scale wouldn’t just be tipped; it would fall over. Now I don’t want to make it like there aren’t millions of good Thai husbands out there, because there certainly are. A good Thai guy can basically take his pick and live happily ever after, and that is pretty much what they do. But there aren’t enough of them to go around, and this results in many Thai women feeling forced to settle. Some ladies might be willing to be with a man who is already married because, well, 50% of a man’s time is better than 0.
In our home countries, women constantly hear, “oh you can do so much better,” as a critique of their boyfriends. But in Thailand, having any man is considered a lot better than not having a man. The dynamics are so different and it changes the implications of who can afford to be “picky.” For example, in the U.S., let’s say that 10% of the guys really have things good, either because they’re very good looking or they have a lot of money. The remaining 90% don’t even have close to “their pick” of women. It’s quite the opposite; they just have to hope that a woman picks them. Nice guys who would make good husbands and fathers, but aren’t rich or good looking, have it tough over there. But in Thailand, a guy like that, whether Thai or foreign, will have no problem finding a great gal quickly.
This is why I get irritated when people say, “Thai women are just out for money.” When you hear that phrase thrown out towards a woman in the U.S. it’s in reference to a gold digger who marries a really wealthy guy. But Thai women aren’t holding out for some rich guy with millions of dollars; most of them are happy with any sign of financial stability. That does not make them a gold digger, it makes them women! Since the beginning of time women have tried their best to choose to be with a man who can put some food on the table. There is nothing wrong with that. When women are raising children, they shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not rent and food can be paid for. Thai women aren’t picky about things that don’t matter, like how expensive your watch is or how big your house is. They appreciate a decent man because they know there aren’t many of them out there.
So if a 25 year old Thai woman marries a 55 year old white man, is that really the end of the world? Knowing about the shortage of eligible Thai men, I don’t think it’s so shocking to see some women enter into relationships with older foreign men who treat them well. And I don’t see the problem! If an older man is very nice, faithful, and financially stable, why shouldn’t he be able to make a younger woman happy? If only I had a dollar for every time someone said, “obviously the Thai girl is with him for his money; why else would she want to be with an old white fart?” Well, maybe because the girl enjoys her life with him! Most of the older farang who marry a Thai girl certainly aren’t wealthy; but they’re solvent and many of them are good to their wives. This isn’t about desperation; it’s about two people trying to be happy together. Sorry, but that just doesn’t seem all that taboo to me.